"Read This First"

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Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine
device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free 
service, except that you undoubtably will destroy it via some 
typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you
to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY
BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T
YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND 
FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO
ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER
AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING
WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ 
THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT??? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE 
DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU 
KNOW THAT? 

Dave Barry, "Read This First"

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